adventures.. nostalgia.

Life sometimes presents us with circumstances which leave us wondering who we really are, what we really enjoy, how we really want to spend our limited time on Earth.

At age 19, I was presented with choices. At that time, I knew I was settling for an option that didn't appeal entirely to me -- and I took it gladly as a sacrifice I would make, in exchange for the opportunity to live abroad for 4 years. And now, I am still living out the consequences of that decision made 8 years ago.

Looking back, I can't say I regret my choice. Yes, friends hear me lamenting once in a while but to be fair, I don't for a moment think that I have lived a lesser life all this while. In fact, the contrary is true because I have gained much -- the experiences I've had overseas, the friends I've made, the people I've worked with.

Yet, sometimes I feel like a misfit in my current profession. I don't suppose I am extremely incompetent in my current job. And I am fairly confident that I can learn the skills required to perform my work excellently and I will know how to do it properly over time (*ahem* it doesn't harm to have a positive self-esteem right?). But just as a very experienced and incisive colleague pointed out, I could be potentially excellent in a 'perfunctory' sort of way. And I do not disagree with her.

So this is it. One more week of this work, and I am on to something of a different nature. Perhaps I may even never return to this work in future.

I am so used to living out my life along a predictable path that 8 years ago, I chose the option that promised me predictability and security.

In some 2 years' time, I will have another shot at making a key decision. This time I should know better. Not that I would know better what to choose (I have zilch idea yet), but at the very least I know the implications of such key decisions, how they may affect me for a long time to come.

So the big question is this: when it comes to crunch time, will my courage and thirst for adventure triumph? Or will I allow those strange things known as nostalgia, sense of duty, need for security, etc get the better of me? After all, it is always easier to tread in familiar waters.